Many people with high-pressure jobs find themselves unhappy with their careers, despite working hard their whole lives to get to their current position. Hating your job is one thing – but what happens if you identify so closely with your work that hating your job means hating yourself?Psychologists use the term “enmeshment” to describe a situation where the boundaries between people become blurred, and individual identities lose importance. Enmeshment prevents the development of a stable, independent sense of self. While identifying closely with your career isn’t necessarily bad, it makes you vulnerable to a painful identity crisis if you burn out, get laid off, or retire. Individuals in these situations frequently suffer anxiety, depression, and despair. By claiming back some time for yourself and diversifying your activities and relationships, you can build a more balanced and robust identity in line with your values.
From Academia to Alignment
What to do when your career crumbles before your eyes
A Deceptively Simple Way to Find More Happiness at Work (Published 2019)
You don’t need to change everything about your job to see major benefits. A few changes here and there can be all you need.
In 2026, I’m no longer interested in ‘working on myself’
We think of ourselves as full-time projects, but what if doing so much inner work does more harm than good?
I'm addicted to being useful
When I get together with my friends in the industry, I feel a little guilty about how much I love my job. This is a tough time to be a software engineer. The job was less stressful in the late 2010s than it is now, and I sympathize with anyone who is upset about the change. There are a lot of objective reasons to feel bad about work. But despite all that, I’m still having a blast. I enjoy pulling together projects, figuring out difficult bugs, and writing code in general. I like spending time with computers. But what I really love is being useful.
How Bad Are Things?
One “advantage” of working in psychiatry is getting a window into an otherwise invisible world of really miserable people. I work in a wealthy, mostly-white college town consistently ra…
‘Find Your Passion’ Is Awful Advice
A major new study questions the common wisdom about how we should choose our careers.
The secret to living a meaningful life
Your ambitions to improve your life do not need to be confined by your personality.
Stop Blowhard Syndrome
When I express any shred of doubt about whether I deserve or am qualified for something, people often try to reassure me that I am just experiencing impostor syndrome. About 10% of the time, it’s true. Amelia Greenhall’s excellent piece, however, has inspired me to clear up a big misconception about what is happening the other 90% of the time.
Self-Distancing: What It Is and How You Can Use It to Make Better Decisions – Effectiviology
It’s hard to set your emotions aside when you’re faced with a difficult decision. This is problematic, since our emotions often cause us to make the wrong decision in important areas of life, including in our relationships, our finances, and our health.
Recognition
Recognition has both a normative and a psychologicaldimension. Arguably, if you recognize another person with regard to acertain feature, as an autonomous agent, for example, you do not onlyadmit that she has this feature but you embrace a positive attitudetowards her for having this feature. Such recognition implies that youbear obligations to treat her in a certain way, that is, you recognizea specific normative status of the other person, e.g., as a free andequal person. But recognition does not only matter normatively. It isalso of psychological importance. Most theories of recognition assumethat in order to develop a practical identity, persons fundamentallydepend on the feedback of other subjects (and of society as awhole). According to this view, those who fail to experience adequaterecognition, i.e., those who are depicted by the surrounding others orthe societal norms and values in a one-sided or negative way, willfind it much harder to embrace themselves and their projects asvaluable. Misrecognition thereby hinders or destroys persons’successful relationship to their selves. It has been poignantlydescribed how the victims of racism and colonialism have sufferedsevere psychological harm by being demeaned as inferior humans (Fanon1952). Thus, recognition constitutes a “vital human need”(Taylor 1992, 26).
Chasing life goals is a recipe for disaster – so try these tiny experiments instead
Whether its our careers, health or relationships, we often set the bar too high and end up feeling disappointed when it doesn’t work out. Try this new way of thinking … and you may just see some real results
How to Pick a Career (That Actually Fits You) — Wait But Why
Our career path is how we spend our time, how we support our lifestyles, how we make our impact, and even sometimes how we define our identity. Let’s make sure we’re on the right track.
Social Verification Theory: A New Way to Conceptualize Validation, Dissonance, and Belonging
Academic Abstract In the present review, we propose a theory that seeks to recontextualize various existing theories as functions of people’s perceptions of their consistency with those around them. This theory posits that people seek social consistency for both epistemic and relational needs and that social inconsistency is both negative and aversive, similar to the experience of cognitive dissonance. We further posit that the aversive nature of perceiving social inconsistency leads people to engage in various behaviors to mitigate or avoid these inconsistencies. When these behaviors fail, however, people experience chronic social inconsistency, which, much like chronic rejection, is associated with physical and mental health and well-being outcomes. Finally, we describe how mitigation and avoidance of social inconsistency underlie many seemingly unrelated theories, and we provide directions for how future research may expand on this theory. Public Abstract In the present review, we propose that people find inconsistency with those around them to be an unpleasant experience, as it threatens people’s core need to belong. Because the threat of reduced belongingness evokes negative feelings, people are motivated to avoid inconsistency with others and to mitigate the negative feelings that are produced when it inevitably does arise. We outline several types of behaviors that can be implemented to avoid or mitigate these inconsistencies (e.g., validation, affirmation, distancing, etc.). When these behaviors cannot be implemented successfully, people experience chronic invalidation, which is associated with reduced physical and mental health and well-being outcomes. We discuss how invalidation may disproportionately affect individuals with minoritized identities. Furthermore, we discuss how belongingness could play a key role in radicalization into extremist groups.
You should never be angry at work
I try not to give a lot of prescriptive advice about working in tech companies. There are many ways to be successful, and every company works differently. If…
I got into tech six years ago because I figured I could have an outsized impact on making a less harmful, more empowering world for workers and marginalised people. Only this year, I started connecting IRL with people who think this way. Here I tried to write about the ways that's transformed me.
DWeb, Culture and Resistance
meri.garden
